Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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