i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
