oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize