I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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