I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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