If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize