i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
