ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
