ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
