You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
