96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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