Im at strip club and am horny
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
