There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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