and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
