apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
