worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
