i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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