it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
