If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
