I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize