I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize