Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This baby is an asshole
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wear drunk well.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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