Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
