I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
