My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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