I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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