I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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