My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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