I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize