I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
