He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
