i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
