It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
sex in a hospital.. check
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
