She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
