I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize