I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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