go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
