I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
