I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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