i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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