i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
