Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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