so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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