But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
