I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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