I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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