She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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