Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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