Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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