Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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