my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
