God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
