I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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