god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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