come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
