Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
