You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
