Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize