my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
