Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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