btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will be naked everywhere
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think your dad took our porno
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
