anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
