its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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