so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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