She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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